Dealing with Crazy

I have a dilemma. I have someone who I have been friends with for over ten years. This person at one time was very near and dear to me; I am very close to her children; we used to talk and share everything. But over the last few years, this has been going down hill. We met when we lived in the same city, then she married and moved away. We visited and talked often. Then a couple of years ago I moved to the same city as her. Since moving here, we rarely see each other, she does not ask me to watch her kids, she doesn't call me in emergencies, if we do see each other it has been because I make the effort.

We have another mutual friend and the three of us have always been close. The two of them knew each other in high school and I met them soon after. Our other friend and I lived in the same city for much longer and became very close, probably closer than the two of them. But we all shared everything and there never seemed to by any issues with that. Since moving, I have spent more time with the friend that now lives in a different city than the one I live in the same city as. We make time for each other, we talk almost every day. When this friend does come into town, she now stays with me (we both used to stay with the other friend). Our other friend usually doesn't even make the time to come see her and if we do, we have to go to her house. I realize that she has children, a busy career and a husband in the navy, but still you should make the effort to see visiting friends at least.

All of this probably wouldn't bother me so much if it was not for the fact that she makes time to visit with other local friends. Not that she tells me. It used to be that I was her go to friend. If she had a problem or needed advice, she came to me. But no more. Now I only hear about things from our mutual friend if at all. When we do talk, she doesn't really ask about my life, but complains about hers.

I recently went to Vegas to attend my brother's wedding (to whom I am very close). When I spoke to her afterward, she didn't ask about the wedding, my trip or my family (all of which were there). I had to tell her it was nice and then she launched into stuff going on in her life. I also found out (from my other friend), that she recently had a girls night with a couple of her local friends. I wasn't in town and couldn't have gone, but she didn't call to even see if I wanted to attend and she never makes plans like that with me.

If these were the only issues, I probably would have had it out with her months ago and been done with the friendship. But there are her underlying health issues. She has some medical problems and we are becoming convinced that she also maybe having mental issues. I am not the only one noticing this, our other friend is concerned as well. She has become very self-absorbed, she tells my other friend many things she doesn't tell me and seems to possibly be hearing voices, having delusions and other odd behavior. This friend has always had some quirks but now the have worked themselves into a strange manifestation.

Several years ago, this friend became more religious. As the years go by, her religiousness has become fanatical. She tells her friends and family they aren't going to heaven and she worries that she won't be with them in the afterlife. Everything in her life is equated to how she is or isn't being a good Christian or how others aren't being good Christians. This too has put more and more of a strain on our relationship because while I respect her choices, she doesn't really respect mine (sending my religious emails and such).

In the beginning I tried to speak with her honestly about all of this, but that just made it worse. And I sometimes think this maybe why our friendship is falling apart. But then there are the "messages" she is getting and her stories of how demons are stopping her from eating or waking her children up in the middle of the night and making them go to the bathroom. It makes me terribly upset and I worry for her and her children.

Even though part of me is very angry at her for not working harder on our friendship; part of me is scared as hell that something is really wrong with her. Most of these odd behaviors she, of course, doesn't confide to me, she tells my other friend and we discuss the vast difference in her behavior around me and her behavior with our friend. What if no one else but the kids notice this. Her husband works odd hours and is now away from home for a while for work.

This is what keeps me talking to her, guilt. I feel guilty that if I just cut her out of my life like I usually would, and then something did go horribly wrong what would happen. She has no family up here. I'm the one who knows her family, her kids call me aunt. Who would take care of everything until her family arrived. I just don't know what to do. I know that most people would say that if something happens it's not my fault and I know I have an issue with taking other people's problems as my own, but for a long time she was a very important part of my life and I don't know how to abandon that when she might be in trouble.